disgust

okie, really disgusted with the blogger sometimes. after typing my long long frustrating blog yest, i forgot to copy the stuff as precautions and when i press post and publish, there was an error on the page and my blog was gone!!!!! so tiring to type again, so i'm letting that one go.

hmm, dun think it'll be a very good day today. initially decided to go to the beach with my family but again, i slept on the wrong side or something and one of my eyes are swollen. sucky...

so i'm gg to stay home, and mope according to my schedule. well, i'm gg into a phase of moping becos been really disgusted with the word 'relationships'. the updated news now is that i've told the guy who likes me that he shouldnt waste his time on me anymore because i really dun feel the chemistry when i'm out with him. i dun think it's justified to like someone jus becos he or she is good to you. then you feel guilty for not liking that person back, becos you dun reciprocate but not becos you like them genuinely. anyway, that was the okie part except that while on the way back yesterday, me and my fren were joking how different and fast things change when a suitor reverts to a normal fren. it's quite a funny yet wu nai situation. that's why i always say that it is pretentious when a boyfren starts sending his gf home after they are together, becos while as frens, why wasnt he so concerned about her safety at all?

anyway, my fren is totally wrong when he asked me to go on dates. turned out that it's not a good idea. when you dun go on dates, frens argue you dun give other people a chance, but when you go on dates with diff people to find that one who suits you, frens warn others that they shouldnt like you, and give people the impression that you are frivolous or even promiscuous. fine....that's why i have doubled my phobia of relationships in no time. if you din even have a relationship in the first place, and you have so many things to answer to, the sensitivity of other people, imagine what happens when you are in one. heck, anyway, i'm totally turned off by the idea of it now, at least.

so i made a decision, to let myself be better. i'm gonna be a hermit. (quite general isnt it) but well, jus decided to keep myself at home and not go out unnecessarily. (except for girly dates) was thinking fo switching off my handphone for a week but think my mum would hunt me for doing that. so yeah, i'm jus gonna disappear when i can.

(i cant believe that i've become so bad-tempered after all these.... they were totally right wehn they said that it takes three years to become good, and a mere three days to become bad... i've gotta bring myself back on track soon... )

*fruity fruit*