DESPONDENT

maybe it's me being paranoid. first day at attachment today, and after a few gruelling hours of doing nothing except to be briefed on the company and to be brought on a field trip to visit the studios, we were back at our respective departments to start our jobs. And okie, i went through the same lecture by my supervisor on the job because i had forgotten most of the content of our interview (partly due to her repetitive statements of how routine the job will be) and was 'disposed' of to my temp supervisor. So, i'm supposed to be attached to each of the four people in our departments for two weeks each to learn their jobs. SOUNDS INTERESTING FOR THE COMING TWO MONTHS. (i'm definitely commiting a sin in saying that)

i know i'm being an ultra whiner now, but i really need some time to get over this. at least i need some time to see if i actually will be doing anything in the coming week to gauge if i need to whine some more or stop my whining. it's not encouraging when i get a lot of time to pick my own stationery because my supervisor had things to do and cant tok to me. and when she does, she went through so many things (like lectures) that i almost fell asleep!

and tomoro, she'll be taking a half day leave, so guess what i get to do? read notes! like, go through all the different forms on my own. i mean, how long can that take! so basically, i have nothing to do, except to check the public folder in my mail.....

seriously, if i am to ask for an exchange in department, i dun think it will work. firstly, it will reflect badly in my record, secondly, i dun think they will agree to it because admin will be sucky. but like my friend said, if i dun try, then it might be a long term bad record. I am totally cursing myself for my timidness now. why the hell did i not take up the courage to reject the offer! it's another time when i totally realise how one step can make you regret forever. why did i forget that! so decided to strive on and see how. since i chose it, i have to stick with it. (at least until my tutor comes back and advise me what to do...)

super tired on the trip back. perhaps becos i was too excited yesterday and couldnt sleep much. what an illusion....

on the trip back, i was thinking to myself, why the heck i was doing the job. even being a kindergarten school teacher would make me happier.... to think i was so despondent i was thinking of jus getting married and not do the job!!!!!!!!!!! (horrors of horrors...)

never knew i was such a loser..... thought i was quite strong-willed in some ways but hey, i jus proved myself wrong.

*a little useless bottle* garbage